Its not much, but my aunt managed to get enough money secretly to buy me a pretty decent piano. Like I said, its not much, however I’m in love with the gesture. I was so happy when she presented it to me!(not so happy when I had to maneuver it into my new home with Casey -.-) I’ve played it every chance I could ever since we managed to get it into the house. Even though Hannah isn’t a fan of piano in any-way-what-so-ever-at-all, she applauds my attempt at relearning it completely.
The baby is cooking in her belly pretty well, so far we haven’t had any problems(aside from her extreme morning sickness and bizarre cravings), and as for the chemo therapy, Casey only has a few more weeks, and about a month of check-ups to see if the cancer has dissipated, or shrunk in size at least.
I stopped crying so much. I figured if I’m crying all the time, then that’s probably going to put the idea into Casey’s head that he won’t make it…and he definitely doesn’t need a confidence killer at times like these. I will be strong, for me, for Casey, for Hannah…and even for my little Casey Jr.
^.^ I know one plus about being taught piano for nearly 5 years as a kid. Now that I’ve gotten a hang of it again, I can make covers for Casey. He STILL has CD’s I made when I was like 14 U.U they sooo suck(my voice hadn’t matured yet, so I sounded like Micky Mouse) so hopefully he’ll cherish my new covers, more than the old ones >.<
A) going to the preggerz doctor lady just about every chance we can? I know we’re having a boy. We’ve already came up with a name. his first name will undoubtably be Casey.
B) going with Casey to chemo even though he doesn’t want me to come. Guess what! turns out he has stage 1 leukaemia. The doc says its going to be difficult to get rid of, regardless of how early on they caught it. They wanted to operate, but Casey detested that Idea…so I now get to spend half of my time in the hospital with both Hannah, and Casey.
I never cried so much in my entire life. He has to be strong. He’ll make it, I know he will.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Rough Cut Amber Rubarth
(Source: keleighelizabeth, via the-spirit-of-inquiry)
Casey had no problem with Hannah. But Hannah made it clear she hated his every existence. Having those two around each other was like a tornado and a volcano…they just didn’t coexist…however, after making the agreement on how this child was going to be raised, Casey and Hannah set aside their own little feuds.
When I went home the next day, I talked to my aunt about it, and she agreed that it would be best if I just stayed with Casey. I was there 24/7, and I’ve known him since I was barely a teen. He never betrayed me, or gave me reason to doubt his trust, and most of all, he made me as happy as I could be. She was a bit scared to let me run off to some guys house and start living with him, but the fact that she knew him well made it a little less hard. I had Casey come over with his truck that day, and we began moving all of my stuff from my house, to his house.
I never really noticed exactly how much stuff that was, up until that day. At the end of the day, we had everything set-up and put away in his house, and even though he wasn’t to fond of my cat(Bunny) he still agreed to letting it stay there with us. I was happy…and even though we were sort of forced to live together due to extreme measures, it was nice to finally be with him all the time. not having to worry about whats happening over at my aunts house, or if her kids were messing with my stuff, or if Bunny was okay. No…now it was all here.
Living with Casey was amazing. He was pretty easy to get along with, but most of all he wasn’t messy. One thing I hated about living with my aunt and her kids, is the fact that they were slobs. I’m convinced the word “clean” wasn’t in their dictionary…
And even though Hannah pretty much treated me like a sex toy, and acted like a complete cunt to the idea of two guys loving each other, we were still good friends. Now that she was pregnant, I felt the need to take care of her. Wake up in the middle of the night and drive out to get her ridiculous cravings, comfort her when she was puking her guts out, distract her when her hormones made her a crazy bitch.
Casey got use to seeing her every-day. They weren’t so much at each others throats anymore. She’s come over, hang out, hell…she even stayed for his cooking some-times too.
The last thing I expected out of this pregnancy, was for it to bring Casey and Hannah together. Even though they won’t admit it, they actually like each other now. I mean…before, he would do everything in his power to avoid her while she was around, but after 2 months of her being around almost every-day, and random midnight drives to her house, he started being nice to her. Started treating her like a sister in a sense.
I think being around me and Casey changed Hannah’s view on homosexuality too. At the mere mention of the word “faggot” she starts going ape on people, tearing them a new one about the correct vernacular for homosexuality. It cracks me up…me and Casey don’t really see a big deal about SOME people saying it(like friends, or family that are just being playful) but say it in front of Hannah, you bet your sweet as your getting lectured.
To be honest, when I first started this tumblr…I would have never thought it would end up like this. Me and Casey being together, most of my memory from 10 years old and up being recovered…and Hannah, the carrier of my child becoming my best friend. What a crazy world.
Casey was confused. He asked me over and over again if it was mine…as much as I’d like to deny it, I couldn’t. I told him straight up, chances are it is mine. She wouldn’t be calling me unless she thought it was mine.
This didn’t upset him, or piss him off like I thought it would. He was actually rather calm about it all. He picked my phone up, and told me to call her back. I punched in her number, then clicked call, looking at him for advice. He simply said “Tell her to come over, immediately” so that’s what I told her. An hour later, she came knocking on Casey’s door with her make-up running down her face and dried up puke on her hoody. She was a wreck. She immediately assaulted me with a hug, saying she should have never treated me the way she did…
I simply pulled back, and said “sit down please.” while gesturing to the nice beige couch. She laughed, whipping away her black runny make-up and sitting down. That’s when Casey walked into the room. She winced, saying “whats he doing here?” and well…that’s when all hell broke loose. “Its my house” Casey said in defense. “Well why would you have me come here?” Hannah said, looking at me with a confused expression. I glanced at Casey, took a deep breath, and then I said “Because he’s my boyfriend, and in all honestly, deserves to be here during this conversation.”
It was like somebody had kicked her in the face. He mouth just hung open, as her eyes flicked from me to Casey frantically. “Your with HIM?!?!” She screamed. I held up my hands in defense “Look, I’m with him whether you like it or not. Which is why we need to talk about this baby…”
She jumped up in anger, practically foaming at the mouth. “What, you just want me to be an oven? Cook up a little baby so you and your little faggot boyfriend can have a family?!” This suddenly hit a sensitive spot in Casey. He was furious…but I assure you, not as furious as I was.
“Excuse me?” I said, staring at her like she was hitler in the flesh. “If you’d like to sit down and listen, MAYBE we can get somewhere in this conversation you psycho bitch” Casey said from a distance. She was offended, but hearing his blunt sentence brought her back down, allowing her to calm down(a little bit) and sit so we could talk this out.
The conversation was rather bland. It started with are you going to keep it or not? After she said yes, we then talked about the living arrangements. We agreed on split custody. I get him for weekends, and she gets him for week-days, and every other month it flips. We won’t be asking for child-support from each other, and we most definitely won’t be fucking each other over.
With Casey’s brief input on the conversations, she managed to stay calm throughout the rest of the time she spent at the house. By the time she left, we were all confused, tired, but most of all relieved. I looked at Casey after she left as he just sat there on his leather couch silently. “Are you up for this?” I said, terrified of what he’d say. It took a few seconds, but he nodded and said “I’m here for you babe”
The happiness just didn’t want to fade away. we never fought, we never disagreed. I was living the life, and nothing could stop me from continuing it…or so I thought. After having dated Casey for about a month and a half, and having lost my man on man virginity to him, I decided perhaps it was the right time for him to meet my psychiatrist.
My psychiatrist was delighted to finally meet Casey. We sat in that room, mostly talking about what we were about. what us, as a couple, was like. Then I went into detail about how my hallucinations just stopped happening, and how I was finally able to sleep through the night when I was with him. For some reason, this made my Psychiatrist a bit quirky…almost like he was displeased by hearing the discovery. However, by the time our session ended, he wished us both luck, and whispered “he seems like a good guy for you” to me.
All was good. My aunt approved of Casey. My psychologist thought he was a good thing for me…but then there was Hannah.
On one unfortunate afternoon, while I was on the couch with Casey’s arms wrapped around me, my phone started going off. I took one look at it, only to see a picture of Hannah on the screen. I practically scolded, throwing it back on the floor…but three calls later, I was getting pretty frustrated with it.
Now…this was several months ago, so this is only my attempt on recreating how the conversation went:
Me: What is it Hannah…?
Hannah: We need to talk. Like, right now.
Me: Okay, hit me with your best shot…(Casey laughing in the background)
Hannah: I’m pregnant.
I was utterly shocked. I hung up the phone, peeled Casey’s arms off of me, and then started pacing…feeling my heart beat like a hammer on my rib-cage…my lungs suddenly feeling the need to hyperventilate. She was pregnant. Was it mine? Of course it was mine, why the fuck else would she be calling me.
Casey stopped me in his arms, and looked me dead in the eyes with his deep blue iris’s. “Whats going on!?” he said, taking shallow breaths. It took awhile for me to finally spit it out, but when I did…I searched his face for any changes.
“Hannah’s pregnant.”
